BROKEN MIND

I spent one cold and wintry night utterly alone, trembling and panting as tears streamed down my cheeks, each drop a testament to my despair. The world around me was shrouded in darkness, and with it, hope seemed to slip away like the last remnants of warmth in the fading night. As the faintest hint of dawn began to break, my heart, already heavy and dissolving, mirrored the dimming stars that slowly melted into the morning haze. All through that long, chilling night, I wept for you, my heart aching for the comfort of your embrace. I longed to feel the warmth of your arms wrapped tightly around me once more, a refuge from the biting cold of my solitude. In my clouded and fragmented mind, I clung to the memories of how you held me, your gentle caresses soothing me when I needed you most. In those moments, I felt utterly safe and profoundly loved, as if the world around us had melted away, leaving just the two of us in an unbreakable bond. Now, here I languish, a shadow of my former self, torn apart and isolated, left to imagine the softness of your touch and the comfort you once provided. With bleary, red-rimmed eyes, I can only gaze longingly at the memories that dance along this wall of bittersweet recollection, each one a flicker of joy amidst the lingering emptiness.

As the sun begins its slow ascent, soft rays of golden light spill into my dimly lit room, gradually dispelling the shadows that have lingered. Outside the window, two lovebirds flit about, just as they always have, their vibrant plumage a stark contrast against the muted tones of the morning. They perch on the sill, their bright eyes scanning the room in search of you, their gentle chirps echoing with a sense of longing. Yet all they find is my sorrow, a palpable heaviness that hangs in the air, and they seem to sense the deep melancholy twisting within my heart. My eyelids feel heavy, stained with exhaustion, and lined with the remnants of unwept tears, and as the birds observe my blank expression—a face drained of color and illuminated only by the flickering memories of joy—they share one last fleeting glance with me. In that moment, their vibrant energy stands in stark contrast to my solitude. With a final flutter of wings, they turn away, leaving me enveloped in a silence even more profound than before. Who could fault those little avian angels, so innocently brimming with life and laughter? They know nothing of the heart’s burdens; their world is one of song and cheer, a realm of unbridled freedom and bliss. How could they ever come to understand the profound sadness nestled in a heart once lit by the warm glow of your eyes? All they acknowledge is their happy and spacious existence, oblivious to the emptiness that now surrounds me.

III

And I lay there, enveloped in an altered state of mind, adrift in a turbulent ocean of mass hysteria. Fear gripped me, a chilling wave crashing upon my heart, as tears streamed down my cheeks, each sob infused with a deep longing to hold you close. Memories flooded my mind, vivid and piercing, of the rose garden where you toiled with unwavering passion—the way you nurtured each bloom mirrored the profound love and care you bestowed upon me. I recalled the sweet laughter of your youngest, a child basking in the warmth of your loving embrace, thoroughly spoiled by your unwavering attentiveness. Your rainbow smile illuminated the darkest corners of my memories, and I could nearly trace the delicate contours of your angelic face in my mind, recalling the playful yet snarky frowns that danced across your lips. Yet, just as quickly as these joyous recollections surfaced, a heavy sigh of grief slammed into my chest, reminding me of the crushing weight of my solitude. Like a small child trembling in the dark, I called out to you, my voice echoing across the vast, endless plain; but my cries fell into the void, swallowed by nothingness. Like a parched dove wandering through the unforgiving desert, I yearned for the soothing sea of your heart, only to find that the arid landscape before me was a cruel illusion. In my isolation, I clutched at fleeting dreams, finding solace in the imagined softness of your hands gently caressing my hair and the tender resonance of your voice surrounding me like a warm embrace, soothing my restless soul.

Blinking momentarily out of existence, I let out one last desperate cry to you, a fragile whisper against the encroaching shadows. A tremor of fear snaked through me, convinced that my heart had abandoned its mortal vessel, chasing you down a dark tunnel toward a blindingly radiant light. Yet amidst all the gloom and despair, my heart soothed me, the echo of a distant voice resounding, “Ye Hibbo!” As the inky darkness wrapped around me, the day faded to a stark midnight, its warmth extinguished before my eyes. An endless void engulfed me, sending waves of trepidation coursing through my veins, and I yearned for the comfort of your presence, to feel the cocoon of your loving arms encircling me once more—a sanctuary where fear could never find me. I longed to return to your heart, where the seeds of my poetic soul were sown. But the oppressive darkness clung to me as I trembled in fear, my only solace the tears that fell like soft rain upon the once-vibrant bed of roses you tended with such pride. As I lingered in my thoughts, the thunder growled ominously, reverberating through the heavy air, drawing me to where your cherished roses stood. I approached, awestruck by the sight, the blooms swaying with the fierce winds, their petals drenched by the gentle rain. My heart raced as I searched for you, calling out like a lost child seeking the embrace of a parent. In that moment of despair, your gentle and inviting voice broke through the darkness, and I caught sight of the butterflies flitting about as if beckoning me to follow. They danced around me, leading the way to a hidden sanctuary—a place where beauty and memory intertwined.

There you were, seated among the beloved roses, an ethereal presence that transcended grief and longing. I moved closer, each step heavy with emotion as I gazed upon the garden, now washed anew but still bearing the essence of your spirit. Upon meeting your gaze, shimmering with compassion, I felt the warmth of your aura envelop me. You glided toward me, the roses scattering their vibrant petals in a tender shower, each one a whisper of love. As you reached me, tears brimmed in my eyes, reflecting the depths of my longing. With a tearful smile, you embraced me, and in that moment, the world around us faded away. No words were needed as we stood locked in each other’s gaze, our eyes speaking the unspeakable—an unbreakable bond forged in love and sorrow. The raindrops continued to fall softly, a melodic accompaniment to our silent exchange, as we wept tears of joy together amidst the gentle storm. I clasped you tightly, my arms wrapping around you with all the strength my weary body could muster, terrified to let go as you cradled my heart with your pure love and affection. In that embrace, time lost all meaning, and the despair that once enveloped me melted into the pure bliss of your presence. Your lips find my teary cheek amidst the soft rain, and there, standing in the gloom transformed into a sanctuary, we weep together, our hearts interwoven in the delicate dance of a mother and her child reunited.

You slowly pulled away, your smile tender and knowing, and with a final, lingering kiss, you breathed life back into my battered soul. Suddenly, I was jolted awake—the remnants of your face still fresh in my mind. Overcome with emotion, I sprang up, and like a madman, I raced weeping to your grave.