IN MEMORIAM

AUGUST

Within a Great Sea of Love, my soul did hide;
Your beautiful dream to the world was unknown.
It was a magical realm where angels abide,
And recited poetry as they circled my throne.

Angels were ordained there to provide,
And care for the Seed with love sown.
The door to your heart, they opened wide,
And I entered and knew I was not alone.

I danced and kicked, and swam inside
That warm Sea where your love shone.
With no knowledge of the world outside,
I only had your warm Sea to roam.

But soon the angels would all decide,
This Sea was no longer fit for home.
You laughed in pain, as the angels sighed,
Knowing the Seed was now fully grown.

For months I journey, your joy and pride;
A holy design decreed to be shown.
For months I journey, until your swarming tide
Carried me off with a cheerful moan.

For months I journey, and then I cried,
And became the last of your dreams known.
Oh, what greater wish is there beside,
Then a Lyrical Heart to call your own?

©Habib Dabajeh

THE PEAR TREE

I stood half asleep on Memory Street,
As the Persian appeared with two black feet;
She was searching for the hand that fed her,
But all she found was an empty seat.

And every night, like a worn-out song,
It came and purred on the lawn;
She sat gazing at your empty chair,
Refusing to accept that you were gone.

On the porch the gathered leaves
Blow about and crackle in the breeze.
I try to wake up and come to my senses,
But my eyes are open, and my heart grieves.

The bluebird came and waited for You,
And sadly sang the whole day through.
It took one last gaze at Your chair,
Cried one last time, and away it flew.

Fireflies came out and filled the air.
They circled Your empty chair.
And my mind refused to accept the fact,
That years have passed since You sat there.

A silhouette appeared near the garage.
Was it my deceiving eyes? Was it a mirage?
Some dreams are cruel and vex the mind,
They taunt the heart and do not oblige.

Was this dream in earnest, or jest?
Was it asking too much to be blessed,
With one last vision of Your smiling face,
And ease a heart most cruelly oppressed?

I saw the beautiful garden as it used to be,
And Your tall and blossoming Pear Tree.
Both were in abundance and full of life.
If only the Gardener was here, and He could see!

And there beneath that old Pear Tree,
Two Sisters reunite with bread and tea.
One broke a smile, in my youth I knew,
The other appeared so far from me.

I couldn’t reach out to them, or make a sound;
My feet were frozen in the ground.
But I somehow sensed the bloodline.
The love within was all around.

And all that I beheld with eye serene;
The garden and tree are all flush and green;
I know by morning the beauty will fade,
The likes of which will never be seen.

The Pear Tree still stands in my mind,
And will forever flourish and remind
Us, those memories are all we have…
We, the Seventy plus Pears You left behind.

©HABIB R DABAJEH

YOU LEFT ME

However powerful words appear to be,
Their power is limited by gloomed memories.
They calm the heart and offer some ease,
But they can never bring you back to me.

You left me, and I wasn’t by your side;
How could I have known the timing of your soul?
You ripped my heart and left there a hole,
Which filled with tears that night I cried.

The taunting memories begin to appear,
They cloud my eyes, and the tears start
To drain what’s left of my empty heart.
No hand left to guide me, and my path was unclear.

You left me when all I had was you;
Now I’m bewildered and cold as a stone:
In a crowded house, I feel all alone;
So I reflect and weep- that’s all I do.

All night I cry, but no one hears
Those prayers I wail as dawn breaks.
I ponder the decisions the High One makes,
As I sleep with my eyes open and choke on my tears.

I miss so much your hugs and laughter,
As I wander aimlessly and without a clue.
Nobody is left to listen or turn for comfort to.
You left a lonely soul scarred forever after.

I often daydream, pretending you’re near;
In a pool of my tears, I sit and wait,
But not even imagination can penetrate
That magical and ever-so-distant Frontier.

I call out, but you’re nowhere to be found.
I try to verse you, but I struggle to find
The perfect words in my transfixed mind;
The intervals of teardrops are the only sound.

My days are empty, and my nights are cold,
And my willpower fades amidst my fears.
I gain nothing by waking, but more tears,
As I long in vain for what I can no longer hold.

When night falls and the crickets begin
To chirp out the window where your bed lay,
I struggle to breathe and start to fade away,
And my heart shivers and dimples my skin.

By dawn, I had cried a small puddle for you,
Where two happy birds came to bathe and dance.
They dipped their beaks with happy prance,
And then drank from the saddening brew.

And turning towards me with a brooding stare,
They grow silent with heads to the ground;
Then look to heaven, abated and spellbound,
And both fluttered off in despair.

©Habib Dabajeh 8/13/11

THE WIND HOWLED

The night wind howled outside,
It mirrored one of my darkest nights,
When the world seemed to lose all its color,
Leaving behind only a sketch of gray and black.

On that cold January morning,
The wind howled through the cracks in my window,
And I felt it creeping into my heart.

Once shades of laughter colored my days,
Now the world wore a cloak of canvas black.
On that dark day, I sought out the light,
Yet all that remained was silence and darkness.

The morning light bled through the window pane,
And cast long shadows on your still bed,
A dark moment was etched within my soul.

No breathing stirred within your breast,
No flicker of emotion on your cold face,
A barren landscape, where beauty has fled,
No hope remained, but the promise of death.

My mind painted fleeting memories, all bittersweet,
Of moments once vivid, now faded away,
The laughter of yesterday turned to ashes.

The wind howled a mournful dirge,
A fitting accompaniment to the storm raging within me.
Alone, I shivered through a bitter winter’s night,
Panting and weeping, all hope seemingly lost.

The thin blanket offered no solace
Against the biting cold that seeped into my bones,
Mirroring the chill that had settled in my soul.

Each gust of wind that blew in
Felt like another piece of my heart
Being mangled and torn away,
Carried off into the inky abyss.

Throughout the cold hours, I wept for you,
Yearning for the warmth of your embrace,
A warmth I knew I would never feel again.

The dawn broke, like a pale,
Sickly light creeping over the horizon.
It mirrored the shattering of my heart,
The remnants of dreams fade with the stars.

The promises we had whispered to each other
Now lay scattered like frost-bitten petals,
Beautiful in their desolation, but dead.

In the depths of my despair,
I clung to memories of your touch,
The way your hand fit so perfectly in mine,
The gentleness of your fingers interlaced with mine.

I remembered the safety I felt in your presence,
A haven from the world’s cruelties,
A sanctuary built on shared laughter and understanding.

But now, I languished, broken and alone,
Left only with the ghost of your comfort,
Only darkness and a persistent throbbing
With a pain that refused to subside.

On nights like these when the world feels bleak,
And the shadows seemed to stretch and writhe,
That I truly missed her presence in my life.

The night wind howled outside, a mournful wail,
Its shrieks echoed memories that clawed at my soul,
Dragging forth shadows from some dark abyss,
Where dreams once danced lightly, now fade to black.

She was always there–
A beacon of unwavering light
In the darkest corners of my existence.

Like a steadfast lighthouse,
Piercing through the fog of my anxieties,
Her presence was consistent,
Unselfish, reassuring glow.

I pretend I’m still watching her,
Sometimes from across the room,
Sometimes when she’s nestled close.

Her well-timed words,
Sometimes just a gentle murmur,
Other times a firm and unwavering truth,
Were like a balm to my wounded spirit.

They weaved through my thoughts,
Unraveling the knots of negativity,
Replacing them with threads of hope and resilience.

The way her eyes used to sparkle,
The effortless grace in her gestures,
The genuine spark in her smile –
Radiated a warmth that melted away my despair.

She never judged my vulnerabilities,
My moments of weakness
When the world seemed too much to bear.

Instead, she would offer understanding,
Acknowledging the battles raging within me.
It was all like a secret code,
A language was spoken only between our souls.

I felt a profound sense of peace,
A feeling that even amidst chaos,
I was not alone.

It’s hard to articulate what she meant to me.
It was more than just comfort; it was a lifeline.
She was my beacon, steadfast and true,
In the darkest of nights, she was my candle.

It was the quiet assurance
That even on the darkest night,
A spark of light was there for me.

Even on the coldest of nights,
When the world felt desolate and bleak,
She would always be there,
Illuminating the shadows of my heart.

Her light kept the darkness at bay,
And in her presence,
I found the courage to face the dark.

I’ve come to understand the value of life;
It’s a gift we all take for granted,
Until the moment that gift is taken away,
And the fire in your heart is just smoke.

The night wind howled outside, a cry of sorrow,
Its voice weaving through my breaking heart,
Resonating with my thoughts steeped in despair.

I sat beside your bed, under the heavy darkness,
While the wind mourned without end,
And with every howl that the night wind released,
I felt your soul slip further away from me.

My world now is a desolate expanse,
That night was the coldest of nights
Where hope seems a distant star.

It was one of those nights,
The wind outside continued to howl
Whispering tales of loss and despair,
Beneath these dark and somber skies.

Your passing sliced through me like ice,
And I fought against the tide of anguish
That threatened to pull me under.

It feels like a chilling embrace
That mimics the hollowness you left behind,
A persistent ache that no one around me,
But you can ever truly soothe.

Are you thinking of me on a night like this?
When the relentless wind howls a mournful song,
And the coldness seeps into my bones?

Only the shadows of silence surround me,
Suffocating me with unspoken words,
Each one is like a tiny dagger
Piercing my already wounded heart.

A fleeting apparition of your presence I crave,
A desperate whisper of assurance,
That you’re thinking of me this cold night.

The moon, a ghostly reminder in the sky,
Offers no comfort tonight,
Only a stark reminder of the light
That once shone so brightly between us.

Now every morning I wake up,
And the wind begins to howl,
I relive it all over again.

That feeling that you, mother,
A vigil keeper in the silent hours,
Was standing over me all night,
Keeping watch over my fragile form.

You, the warmth that defied the frost,
Knowing I had succumbed to the cold,
As I tossed and turned in sleep.

The cold that lingered deep within,
The chilling emptiness that settles,
Like a shroud, around my weary body,
Heavy with unspoken grief.

You put your lips on my forehead,
A gentle press, a whispered blessing,
And lit a fire to warm my heart.

A beacon in the darkest night,
A flickering ember against the storm,
A flame that promised solace,
However fleeting, in this desolate heart.

But the fire has dimmed now,
The ashes scattered on the wind,
The warmth was a distant echo.

I search for your presence in the light,
But find only the emptiness of your absence,
And I am left with the melancholy
Of a love that was, and now is gone.

I wander through these halls of fractured light,
Where your laughter once danced in my heart;
Your smile ignited the hollow corners of my soul.

Your colors have faded and dimmed the room now,
Yet your love remains consoling my dying heart.
Through days of anguish and nights of regret,
No flicker of hope remains, only the darkness.

The rain begins to fall,
A slow, steady rhythm of despair,
Each drop is a tear I cannot seem to shed.

I try to conjure the sound of your voice,
The cadence of your laughter,
But they seem distant,
Muffled by the echoes of my loneliness.

The fire in my heart has long since died,
Leaving behind only cold embers,
Now just ashes and a haunting chill.

I try to think of the warmth we shared,
The laughter that echoed in your room,
But memories, like frail autumn leaves,
Are swept away by the winds of time.

The morning you passed was my darkest day,
You took my heart with your spirit in flight,
Leaving me grounded on this earth.

The ticking of the clock, a dull rhythm,
It is now piercing and mocking in the silence,
Each pulse is a reminder of the moment I missed,
Your silent passing I did not share.

Your final exhale; I replay it in my mind.
Was there a touch you sought?
A familiar voice you longed for?

These questions stalk my waking hours,
They dance on the periphery of my dreams,
They sit like lead weights upon my chest,
Crushing the very breath from my lungs.

The sun climbed the sky as usual,
Oblivious to your hollow room,
The vacant space that used to hold your laughter.

Under this dark and unforgiving sky,
Your laughter faded with the stars,
Yet, it remains, the defining ache
Of my melancholic heart.

Perhaps one day the chill will subside,
The memories will soften,
And the question will fade into a distant echo.

And here I sit missing you,
Anchored to this ghost house of dreams,
Fighting waves of darkness
That threatens to drown me.

I cling to the notion that in the darkness,
That you are still watching over me,
Prying through the cracks of time.

But each breath I take is a struggle,
Turning vibrant memories into fading sighs,
As despair settles deeper in my heart,
And the world outside wears a mask of gray.

Time is a thief that prowls in silence,
And shadows gather like storm clouds overhead,
On this night, as the cold wind howls.

I thought time would ease the ache,
But nights like these peel back the layers,
Laying bare the fragile heart that I hide,
Turning nostalgia into an unbearable weight.

It’s on nights like these, stark and unyielding,
When the world feels completely bleak,
That the shadows stretch and writhe around me.

In this shadowed hour,
I remember your laughter,
A vibrant fire flickering amidst my despair
Filling spaces where silence now holds court.

Walls that once vibrated with your whispers
With a voice both haunting and familiar,
Now bear the weight of absence so profound.

Dark tales weave through my tangled mind,
Threads of woe intertwining with tattered dreams,
And I wonder if the night will ever release its grip,
Or if I am to remain a statue encased in sorrow.

The night wind howled outside,
A mournful song weaving through my heartache,
And every breath felt thicker than the last.

I closed my eyes to the world’s silent anguish,
Only to find the darkness intensifying,
As it mirrored one of my darkest nights,
The night I wasn’t there by your side.

The wind dances at the windowpanes,
Each creak is a reminder, a sad refrain of loss,
As it seeks to torment my desolate thoughts.

Yet the more I grasp, the farther I slip,
Leaving me with only the chill of night’s embrace,
Concrete visions of what once was ours,
Searching for solace in the symphony of darkness.

I compose farewell verses to our fading light,
A futile attempt to capture your essence
In the fleeting rhythm of a breath’s soft sigh.

Here, in this melancholic hour,
I sit, my heart echoing with the wind,
Reminding me that in the vastness of absence,
You are still present, watching over me.

Guiding me through the fog that thickens,
And I lost yet knowing, stretch my arms,
Embracing the silence that speaks your name.

Outside, the wind carries fragments of your laughter,
Twisting with the leaves; a maddening requiem,
And I am left clutching remnants of your warmth,
Desperate to rebuild this fading flame.

I sit here, cloaked in solitude,
As the world outside drips away,
Each breath is a reminder of your absence.

As you stood on that fateful shore of departure,
I was lost in dreams, and not near your side.
I was roaming the waves of unawareness,
Unable to share your final moments.

Are you thinking of me on a night like this,
As I huddle deeper into my blanket,
And try to recapture the warmth you took with you?

They talk of the peace that comes with letting go,
The serenity of a life completed, but for me,
There is only the jagged edge of ‘what if,’
The persistent whisper of the ‘might have been.’

I try to find solace in the thought
That you are freed from earthly burdens,
Your spirit ascending to a place of peace.

But still, a whisper lingers,
A selfish plea to have been there;
To hold your hand one last time,
And offer loving words of comfort.

Perhaps you are nestled in warmth,
Oblivious to the biting cold that seizes me,
A constant, agonizing reminder of your absence.

The morning is a broken piece of glass,
Reflecting only my fractured grief,
And the absence of your warm hand,
It is the profound and unending ache of my heart.

Through tear-blurred eyes,
I clung hopelessly and unwillingly to memories,
Illuminating a wall of bittersweet remembrance.

I saw you there, with an endless smile,
And a sob choked my throat,
A lullaby whispering of love’s tender joys,
When the world lost its light and hope.

These memories, once a source of immense joy,
Now felt like sharpened daggers
Twisting slowly in my gut.

I remembered the way your eyes crinkled,
The sound of your voice humming softly,
The way you always knew how to make me laugh,
Even when I didn’t want to.

The silence of this little house,
Once filled with the echo of your laughter,
Now amplified the crushing weight of your absence.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t,
I was too weak, too broken.
The fight had been drained out of me,
Leaving me a shell, a hollow echo of what I was.

The memories, a constant reminder of what I had lost,
Of the love that had been stolen from me,
As the wind continued to howl outside.

The sun climbed higher and brighter,
But even the sun’s raging furnace
Couldn’t penetrate the darkness
That had enveloped my heart.

How could I face a future so bleak
Without the warmth of your love to guide me?
The answers eluded me.

I knew I had to move forward,
To rebuild my life from the ashes of shattered dreams.
But how could I, when every beat of my heart
Was a reminder of you?

I could only cling to the memories,
To the ghost of your touch, and pray that one day,
The warmth of the sun would finally reach my frozen soul.

One day, perhaps, I would learn to live again,
But today, as the wind howled out the window,
I remain huddled inside my blanket,
Mourning the love that was lost.

The ordinary sounds of the day–
The distant car horns, the rustle of leaves–
The wind continues to howl outside.

It’s a constant, haunting plea,
Repeated with every dawn’s song,
The eternal ache of knowing
You will not stand watch over me again.

And I am left to navigate this world,
A landscape stripped bare and cold,
Where every dawn is a cruel reminder.

A reminder of a story etched in sorrow,
Of the love I can no longer hold,
When the howling wind whispers your name,
And the dawn is on the horizon.

And I wake up each dawn knowing,
That the fire that warmed my heart
Is now just a flickering memory.

This is my burden now and forever,
The knowledge that in your last moments,
I was not there by your side– and that Mother,
It is my persistent and inescapable pain.

©Habib Dabajeh